Chaos by the Lake
by tekuates
Summary: Chaos and craziness by the lake! Rated T for language and to be safe. -winks lewdly- Warning: may be spoilers. Please read and review! CHAPTER 5 UP!
1. Leafpool is a seductress!

A/N: Welcome to Chaos by the Lake! It all started one day in the forest when Feathertail, Leafpool, and Nightcloud got into an argument about Crowfeather. And the anarchy only increases…

Disclaimer: Not mine! (yet)

Fight Over Crowfeather

Feathertail: -shoves Leafpool- Crowfeather liked me first!

Leafpool: So what? He likes me better!

Feathertail: No, he likes me better!

Leafpool: -claws Feathertail- No, he likes me better!

Feathertail: No, me!

Leafpool: No, _me_!

Nightcloud: No, ME!

Feathertail: Stay out of it, bitch.

Leafpool: Yeah, bitch!

Feathertail: Was I talking to you? I don't _think_ so!

Leafpool: -rolls eyes- Oh, piss off. He never liked you anyway.

Feathertail: YES HE DID! DON'T LIE TO ME! LIARRR! –nervous breakdown-

Nightcloud: Drama queen. No wonder he thinks you're a psycho.

Feathertail: NOOO! –starts sobbing- WHY MUST I LOSE THE LOVE OF MY LIFE? WHYYY?

Leafpool: He's not the love of your life, he's the love of my life. I gave up a life with him for the good of my Clan!

Nightcloud: And that gives you the right to be his mate how?

Leafpool: Because I let him go! You know what they say: If you love something, let it go.

Feathertail: Your logic sucks.

Nightcloud: Like yours doesn't, you psycho?

Feathertail: Whatever, frigid bitch.

Nightcloud: Psycho.

Feathertail: Frigid.

Nightcloud: Psycho!

Feathertail: Frigid!

Leafpool: Oh shut up, both of you.

Nightcloud: Make me.

Feathertail: Yeah, make me.

Leafpool: FINE I WILL. –starts singing songs from Avenue Q-

Feathertail: IT BURNZZZZZZZZ

Nightcloud: Help. Lifeguard. Help.

Leafpool: I'm not wearing underwear today. No, I'm not wearing underwear today. Not that you prob'ly care much about my underwear, still nonetheless I gotta say-

Feathertail: My soul. It hurts.

Leafpool: THAT I'M NOT WEARING UNDERWEAR TODAYYYYYYYY!

Christmas Eve: GET A JOB.

Nightcloud: MY BRAIN IS BLEEDING. OW.

Crowfeather: -appears- Hi, Leafpool! How's the prey—Good Lord, woman, what are you _singing?_

REAL Leafpool: -appears- What the freak is going on here?

Crowfeather: That is an excellent question.

Feathertail: Uh…it was Nightcloud!

Nightcloud: I should've known…Leafpool can't sing that well…or at all…

Leafpool: My voice is like a lark's.

Nightcloud: -rolls eyes- Whatever. Can the fake Leafpool go away before I lose what little of my sanity is left?

Feathertail: Oops. Sorry. –fake Leafpool disappears-

Leafpool: -bats eyes- Oh, hi, Crowy! –in a sultry tone- You look really…fit.

Nightcloud: -trying but failing to be sultry also- Yeah, um, you look really, uh, kinda, sexy. Yeah.

Crowfeather: -looks freaked out and turned on at the same time-

Feathertail: -also failing to be seductive- Yeah, you sexy beast!

Leafpool: Feathertail and Nightcloud, you suck at that.

Nightcloud and Feathertail: Shut up!

Feathertail: Why don't you show us how it's done, then, bitch?

Leafpool: Fine, I will.-trots over to Crowfeather-

Nightcloud: Is this a good idea…

Leafpool: -in a sultry voice- Hey, want to go somewhere a little more…private?

Crowfeather: -eyes glaze over- S-sure.

Leafpool: -to Feathertail and Nightcloud- Yeah, that's what I thought.

Feathertail: Who knew that Leafpool had a secret power for seduction?

Nightcloud: ME!

Feathertail and Crowfeather: What?

Nightcloud: It was a party, I was drunk…things happen.

Crowfeather: -eyes glaze over again-

Feathertail: Crowfeather, do not let your mind go down that path. RESIST THE URGE!

Nightcloud: That sounds so freaking wrong…

Feathertail: Oh, shut up.

Nightcloud: Don't talk to me like that. After all that we shared. –looks crazed-

Feathertail: Okay, Nightcloud's gone crazy.

Nightcloud: WEEE! -spazzes-

Leafpool: That pose looks really uncomfortable.

Nightcloud: -bounces and giggles- I like Subway! Can we go to Subway? Mmmm…Subway.

Crowfeather: My life is just so strange.

Leafpool: Something tells me that the pandemonium is just starting…

A/N: Hope you liked it! Next chapter, some more characters will be thrown into the mix. If there is a certain character or situation you would like me to add, tell me in your (cough cough) REVIEW! That's right, click that nice green button.


	2. Dustpelt is a pervert!

A/N: Welcome back to Chaos by the Lake! I had this chappie already written so I'll use your suggestions next chapter, Unsigned and Orangestar. This chapter a few more characters are added to the mix. Warning: may be spoilers! Duhn duhn DUHN!

Leafpool: -staring into space- LalalalalaLAAAAlalalala_laaaaa_lalalalaaa_**LAAALALALAAAAAA**_

Feathertail: -winces at Leafpool's horrible singing- I am so freaking bored…

Crowfeather: -stares at Leafpool lustfully- Mrrggg…

Nightcloud: OOOOOOH! Pwetty colors!

All others: SHUT UP!

Leafpool: THIS PLACE FREAKING SUX.

Crowfeather: -still staring at Leafpool- Hmmgggg…

Dustpelt, Sandstorm, Millie, Firestar, Graystripe, Brambleclaw, and Squirrelflight: -race in-

Firestar: Hi, everybody!

Leafpool, Feathertail, Nightcloud, and Crowfeather: -mutter darkly- Hi…

Firestar: You don't sound very happy…

Leafpool: Oh, shut it off, will ya!

Nightcloud: !

Sandstorm: What's with her?

Feathertail: She went nuts.

Nightcloud: SUBWAY-EAT FRESH! -grins maniacally and spazzes-

Squirrelflight: Huh. Weird.

-Silverstream appears-

Graystripe: MY LOVE!

Millie: TRAITOR!

Silverstream: Are you betraying me for another woman, Graystripe?

Graystripe: Uh…no…I hate her.

Millie: Bitch!

Silverstream: Liar!

Graystripe: Eep…

-both start bitch-slapping Graystripe-

Firestar: CAN WE PLEASE FREAKING FOCUS!

Feathertail: On what?

Firestar: Oh, um, I dunno.

Feathertail: Das what I thought, beeyotch.

Leafpool: Scary…

Squirrelflight: -to Brambleclaw- Hi there.

Brambleclaw: Don't even talk to me. After you lied to me about our kits…

Squirrelflight: Oh, big freaking deal. Could you possibly think about something besides yourself for ONE FREAKING MINUTE!

Brambleclaw: I LOVE YOU! PLEASE TAKE ME BACK!

Firestar: CAN EVERYONE JUST CALM THE FREAK DOWN?

Brambleclaw: I _am_ calm. That was very calm.

Squirrelflight: I love you too, Bramby!

Brambleclaw: WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT CALLING ME BRAMBY?

Squirrelflight: It's sexy?

Brambleclaw: Other than that!

Squirrelflight: It turns you on?

Brambleclaw: _Other_ than that!

Squirrelflight: It makes you hot all over?

Brambleclaw: OTHER THAN THAT!

Squirrelflight: It makes you crazed with lust?

All others: Gah!

Brambleclaw: **OTHER THAN **_**FREAKING THAT!**_

Squirrelflight: -mumbling- I shouldn't call you it in public.

Brambleclaw: Yes! Thank you! –turns to look at others and realizes they're all staring at him- Umm…

Firestar: You are seriously messed up.

Brambleclaw: -laughs nervously-

Nightcloud: BOOYAH!

Dustpelt: What is her FREAKING DEAL?

Feathertail: I told you! She went crazy!

Crowfeather: -_still_ staring at Leafpool- Mmm…

Leafpool: Oh, stop freaking staring at me!

Dustpelt: Sorreee…

Leafpool: I wasn't talking to—wait, YOU were staring at me?

Dustpelt: -takes a deep breath- Leafpool, I love you.

Leafpool: Um, ew?

Dustpelt: What?

Leafpool: You're as old as my father, for StarClan's sake!

Dustpelt: So? Our love can still be!

Sandstorm: Dustpelt, NOOOO! I love you!

Firestar: What?

Sandstorm: Oh, come on. You didn't actually think I was in love with you…did you?

Firestar: -starts sobbing-

Sandstorm: Well, I guess that answers that. Dumbass…

Many hours later

Firestar: Sooo lonely…. –sobs-

All others: SHUT UP!

Cinderpelt: -appears- Don't be lonely, Fi-fi! I'LL be your mate!

Firestar: YAY! –runs off with her…well, more walks slowly off with her-

Dustpelt: -snickers- Fi-fi?

Leafpool: Ahem. Warrior code. Ahem.

Feathertail: -snickers- Really, Leafpool?

Leafpool: Shut up.

Sandstorm: Finally we'll get some peace around here!

-Blackstar walks in-

Sandstorm: Just kidding…

Blackstar: -winks at Leafpool- Hey there, sexy.

Feathertail: Why do all the hot bad boy characters think that bitch is sexy and not me?

Firestar: -comes back- I think you're sexy. -winks-

Feathertail: Ew.

Dustpelt: Hitting on your best friend's daughter, Firestar? That's just kind of sketchy.

Firestar: Um, you were just hitting on MY daughter.

Dustpelt: -mumbles-

Firestar: What was that?

Dustpelt: I SAID LEAFPOOL IS FREAKING HOT!

Firestar: EW! Don't make me think that!

Dustpelt: Whatever, bitch.

Firestar: Whatever, ASSHOLE! Oh yeah, I went there.

Dustpelt: THIS ENDS HERE! -whips out gun and fires it at Firestar's head-

Firestar: -collapses-

Sandstorm: NOOO! I DIDN'T MEAN IT, FIREPOO!

And...it's a cliffie! Yay! Tell me in your REVIEW what you want to happen to Firestar! I'll probably ignore you because I already have a plan, but…whatever. Reviews make me feel sparkly and update sooner!


	3. Squirrelflight is gunhappy!

A/N: We last saw our brave hero when he was mercilessly gunned down by the villain Dustpelt.

Squirrelflight: Dustpelt, what the hell?

Dustpelt: Oh, relax. It's only a tranquilizer gun.

Squirrelflight: No, I mean, how did you manage to conceal a gun?

Dustpelt: You don't want to know.

Squirrelflight: Hello, mental scarring!

Firestar: -begins to stir- Pretty pony…

Sandstorm: I vote that we all run away before he wakes up.

Feathertail: Right on!

-mad dash-

Several miles away

Squirrelflight: -panting- Okay…I think…we're far enough…away.

Jayfeather, Hollyleaf, Lionblaze: -walk out of bushes- Hello!

Brambleclaw: -muttering- Oh, great, it's the terrible trio.

Squirrelflight: -smacks him- They're your kits!

Brambleclaw: Um, no they're not.

Squirrelflight: Shhh! -stage whispers- _Nobody knows about that!_

Brambleclaw: Oops.

Squirrelflight: Too late, jerk.

Brambleclaw: Meanie.

Leafpool: -snaps- Oh, SHUT YOUR FREAKING FACES!

Dustpelt: -leers at Leafpool-

Leafpool: Ew, get away from me!

Jayfeather: Um…hi? Anybody?

Harry Potter: -walks in- Hi, I'm Harr- -sees Sandstorm- THE 7TH HORCRUX!

Sandstorm: -runs away, pursued by Harry, Ron, and Hermione-

Jayfeather: Hellllooo?

Duspelt: Hey, Leafpool-

Leafpool: No, I do not want to FREAKING BE YOUR GIRLFRIEND! YOU ARE LIKE FIVE FREAKING TIMES OLDER THAN ME!

Jayfeather: Why are you all ignoring me?

Brambleclaw: Because you're blind.

Jayfeather: You little-

Brambleclaw: I was joking! JOKING!

Hollyleaf: -worried- Is joking in the warrior code?

Dustpelt: You need a life, Hollyleaf. Like now.

Blackstar: Agreed.

Hollyleaf: MY ONLY LIFE IS THE WARRIOR CODE! I LOVE YOU, WARRIOR CODE!

All others: -back away-

Heathertail: -walks in-

Lionblaze: DIE, HEATHERTAIL, DIE!

Heathertail: -slaps him-

Lionblaze: Oweee…

Heathertail: -leaves-

Jayfeather: Way to get pwned, Lionblaze.

Lionblaze: Shut up!

Jayfeather: No.

Lionblaze: I have killed for less. -dramatic sigh- But I will spare you because you are blind.

Squirrelflight: You are an odd one…

Jayfeather: WOULD YOU ALL STOP TREATING ME LIKE, LIKE SOME FREAKING DISABLED PERSON!

All others: No.

Jayfeather: Whyyy? –starts sobbing-

Leafpool: Okay, while Jayfeather crawls into an emo corner, lets all- -is interrupted by Cinderpelt limping in-

Cinderpelt: Go ahead, continue.

Leafpool: Oh, um, I didn't actually have anything to say. I just wanted to use the phrase 'emo corner'.

Cinderpelt: Oh. -coughs- Weirdo…

Lionblaze: Don't call my mother a weirdo, bitch!

Jayfeather: Yeah, bitch!

Hollyleaf: Yeah, bitch!

Cinderpelt: Um, she got me killed. I pretty much have the right to call her anything I want.

Leafpool: You said it wasn't my fault!

Cinderpelt: Yeah, about that. I lied.

Hollyleaf: Isn't that against the warrior code?

Leafpool: Shut it, you.

Squirrelflight: -to Brambleclaw- Why does Leafpool yell at EVERYONE?

Brambleclaw: 'Cause she's a b—

Squirrelflight: -cuffs him around the head- That's my sister you're talking about, bitch!

Brambleclaw: -eye twitches-

Leafpool: What's with him?

Squirrelflight: -whispers- Nervous breakdown coming on…

Brambleclaw: -eyes glow…pink-

Squirrelflight: Uh oh, here he goes!

Brambleclaw: I'M A BARBIE GIRL, IN MY BARBIE WORLD! LIFE IN PLASTIC, IT'S FANTASTIC!

Leafpool: _That's_ a nervous breakdown?

Squirrelflight: Well, maybe more like a seizure.

Brambleclaw: Since u been gone! I can breathe for the first time! I'm so moving on, yeah yeah!

Hollyleaf: WE MUST OBEY THE WARRIOR CODE!

Leafpool: YOU FREAKING MORONS! I DO FREAKING _NOT_ YELL AT FREAKING EVERYONE! FREAKING JERKS! -collapses-

Squirrelflight: Way to have a delayed reaction, Leafpool.

Crowfeather:-drags Leafpool off into a corner- Shhh…you're okay, Leafpool.

Dustpelt: Why can't _I_ do that?

Leafpool: -shrieks- FREAKING PERV!

Brambleclaw: Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum  
Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum DISTURBIA!

Leafpool: -screams and thrashes-

Squirrelflight: Oh, SHUT UP, BRAMBLECLAW! -shoots him with the tranquilizer gun-

Brambleclaw: 'Cause you're hot and you're AGHH! -collapses-

Squirrelflight: Thank StarClan.

Leafpool: YOU'RE ALL FREAKING NUTJOBS!

Squirrelflight: -shoots Leafpool with the tranquilizer gun-

Leafpool: -collapses-

Crowfeather: NOOO! What HAVE YOU DONE?

Lionblaze: Mmm…blood and destruction.

Squirrelflight: Oh for– -shoots _herself_ with the tranquilizer gun- Anything for some peace and quiet… -faints-

Firestar: -races in-

All others, even the passed out people: -groan-

Firestar: -hallucinating- Pretty FLOWERS!

Leafpool: -twitches and mutters- Firestar…blood…chainsaw…

Dustpelt: I'm quite scared right now.

Nightcloud: Eeeeee_eeeeee_EEEEE_EEEEE__**EEEEE**_!

Crowfeather: How is she still here?

Feathertail: -to Crowfeather- Hey there, sexy.

Crowfeather: -looks disgusted-

Brambleclaw: -begins to wake up- Mrrggg…

Lionblaze: -hits him on the head-

Brambleclaw: -blacks out again-

Jayfeather: That can't be good for him.

Lionblaze: Whatever.

Firestar: -still hallucinating- OMG! DISNEYLAND! I 3 MICKEYMOUSE!

Jayfeather: Okay, _him_ you can hit.

Lionblaze: -hits Firestar on the head-

Firestar: Feeling…woozy… -faints-

Sandstorm: -runs in and collapses, panting-

Harry, Ron, and Hermione: -run in-

Ron: There it is! -reaches for Sandstorm-

Hollyleaf: Get away from our grandmother, bitch! -claws Ron-

Jayfeather: Yeah, bitch! -claws Hermione-

Lionblaze: Yeah, BITCH! -claws Harry-

Harry, Ron and Hermione: -run away-

Sandstorm: Thanks , guys. -goes to sleep-

Leafpool: -twitches- Freaking…asshole…

So right now:

Graystripe: Being bitch-slapped.

Firestar: Passed out.

Brambleclaw: Passed out.

Leafpool: Passed out.

Squirrelflight: Passed out.

Sandstorm: Asleep.

Blackstar: Ogling Leafpool.

Crowfeather: Obsessing over Leafpool.

Dustpelt: Also obsessing over Leafpool.

Nightcloud: Being crazy.

Cinderpelt: Being…crippled.

Feathertail: Making propositions towards Crowfeather.

Millie: Bitch-slapping Graystripe.

Silverstream: Also bitch-slapping Graystripe.

Hollyleaf: Obsessing about the warrior code.

Jayfeather: In an emo corner.

Lionblaze: Obsessing about blood and destruction.

A/N: So…YAY! Sorry, **Unsigned**, Crowfeather may not get to be drunk. But Firestar was sort of high…hallucinating anyway.

Anyway, hope you liked it! Please REVIEW or I'll be sad!


	4. StarClan deals in the black market!

Disclaimer: I own no series, which makes me a sad panda.

A/N: I am sooo sorry for taking so long to update! Anyway, I'm back now, and I'll probably update _Once and Forever_ and _The Prince and the Wizard_ soon. Anyway…

Here we go, yo!

Leafpool: IT'S PEANUT BUTTAH JELLY TIIIIME!

Squirrelflight: Exsqueeze me?

Leafpool: Did you just ask me to squeeze you?

Squirrelflight: No, I said exsqueeze me.

Leafpool: I ain't squeezing you unless you be my boyfriend.

Squirrelflight: ExCUSE me?

Leafpool: You're excused.

Squirrelflight: -vein throbs- Must…not…kill…Leafpool…

Leafpool: Une omlette est morte.

Squirrelflight: Pardon?

Leafpool: Ah non! Les fleurs aussi!

Squirrelflight: Les fleurs aussi que?

Leafpool: Les fleurs est morte aussi.

Squirrelflight: Ah non! **(A/N: For all you non-French-speaking peoples, there's a translation at the bottom.)**

Firestar: Would someone care to explain?

Leafpool: That would be an emphatic no.

Squirrelflight: You wouldn't understand anyway.

Dustpelt: -looks skeeved out- That may be a good thing.

Leafpool: -glares-

Dustpelt: -cowers- Sorry?

Leafpool: You should be.

Feathertail: You people are really freaking me out.

Leafpool: Whatever, bitch.

Feathertail: You're the bitch, mate-stealer!

Leafpool: Yeah, well you're dead!

Feathertail: Yeah, well you're a warrior code breaker!

Leafpool: Dead!

Feathertail: Warrior code breaker!

Leafpool: DEAD!

Feathertail: WARRIOR CODE BREAKER!

Nightcloud: Crowfeather is mine, beeyotches!

-silence-

Dustpelt: Whoa, is Nightcloud back to normal?

Nightcloud: It was just temporary insanity.

Squirrelflight: -under her breath- Or all that catmint…

Nightcloud: Shut it you. I've gotten over my addiction… -twitches- Anyway, the point is that I'm all better now!

Feathertail: What, am I supposed to be happy about that? Cuz I'm not.

All others: Ooooooooohh…BURN.

Nightcloud: Like I care.

Leafpool: Well, I _am_ happy, Nightcloud.

Nightcloud: Really?

Leafpool: Yeah, no. I'm screwing with you.

Nightcloud: Whatever, bitch.

Leafpool: You're the bitch, BITCH!

Feathertail: -steps between them- Stop it!

Nightcloud and Leafpool: -pause and look at Feathertail-

Feathertail: We can't go back to the very first storyline. We won't get any reviews!

Nightcloud: What language are you speaking?

Feathertail: -rolls eyes- Forget I said anything.

Nightcloud: Okay, I will.

-awkward silence-

Feathertail: -muttering- Wow, the author of this fanfiction sucks.

Leafpool: What are you _talking _about?

Feathertail: -looks innocent- Oh, nothing.

Leafpool: I'm so sure.

Nightcloud: You two really freak me out.

Feathertail: Who was it again who spent the last two chapters spazzing and going 'wooo'?

Nightcloud: Um…you?

Feathertail: Ugh. I give up.

Leafpool: Really? So me and Crowfeather can–

Feathertail: Do not finish that sentence if you want to stay alive.

Leafpool: I was just going to say 'hang out'. Freaking perv…

Feathertail: Stop DOING that!

Leafpool: What?

Feathertail: Saying freaking!

Leafpool: What about saying freaking?

Feathertail: STOP saying it!

Leafpool: Stop saying what?

Feathertail: -vein throbs- Freaking!

Leafpool: What about it?

Feathertail: -eyes bug out- AAAGGGGGHHHHHHH! –has a seizure-

Leafpool: Okee dokee then.

Sandstorm: Leafpool, you scare me. Like, a lot.

Blackstar: -in a husky voice- But it's totally sexy. –winks-

Dustpelt: -shoves Blackstar away- You're not just sexy, you're gorgeous!

Crowfeather: Back away before either one of you gets seriously hurt. -to Leafpool- But you are really hot, Leafie.

Leafpool: THAT IS FREAKING IT! -pulls out chainsaw- You-glares at Blackstar-you can go hit on Feathertail.

Blackstar: But Leafieee!

Leafpool: -raises chainsaw threateningly- WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT CALLING ME LEAFIE?

Blackstar: Okay, okay, I'm going. I mean she is pretty hot. I mean, not as hot as you, but… -continues babbling-

Leafpool: -revs chainsaw-

Blackstar: Meep! –runs over to Feathertail- Hey there, baby.

Feathertail: -bats eyes and giggles- Hi, handsome!

Leafpool: I just threw up in my mouth. Anyway, moving on… -turns to Dustpelt- Go have some more kits with Ferncloud.

Dustpelt: -eyes chainsaw nervously- Sure… -runs away with Ferncloud-

Leafpool: Thank StarClan. Now you… -eyes Crowfeather speculatively, who cowers- I'll keep you. You're cute, anyway.

Crowfeather: -sighs in relief-

Leafpool: -sees everyone staring at her- What? -smile innocently-

Squirrelflight: -intrigued- Where'd you get a _chainsaw_?

Leafpool: -coughs- Black market. I can sell you a flamethrower for cheap if you want.

Squirrelflight: How much?

Leafpool: Lie and say my kits are yours, thus alienating everyone you care about when they find out.

Squirrelflight: I'll take it!

Leafpool: Done! –produces flamethrower- Here you go!

Squirrelflight: Yay! -hugs flamethrower-

Brambleclaw: You realize you already lied about the kits.

Leafpool: That's only because we made this deal in the future, and StarClan made it happen in the past.

Brambleclaw: You have access to _time travel?_

Leafpool: No, idiot, StarClan does. Didn't I just say that?

Brambleclaw: StarClan deals with the black market.

Leafpool: Yup.

Brambleclaw: No wonder so many bad things happen to us…

A/N: So tell me how you like it! You know, in your -cough- REVIEW –cough-. Oh, and here's the translation of the bit in French.

Leafpool: The omelet is dead.

Squirrelflight: Excuse me?

Leafpool: Oh no! The flowers also!

Squirrelflight: The flowers also what?

Leafpool: The flowers are also dead,

Squirrelflight: Oh no!


	5. The End

IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT RE: END OF THE FIC

Hi, peoples. So, I have some pretty severe writer's block. Which basically means I cannot think of a single thing to write. Anytime I try to start writing a Chapter 5, it doesn't come even close to funny. So, I'm going to end the fic here.

Haha, just kidding.

But seriously, I am having some intense writer's block. So if you would please give me some suggestions I would greatly appreciate it. Y'all are great! –hugs to all–

Ugh, sorry about that. I don't know what's wrong with me. Not that all my reviewers aren't awesome.

So, if this is your first time reading this–hey, what are you doing here, anyway? Go to the first chapter, nimrod! Once you've actually READ the fic, or if you've read it already, give me a review with constructive criticism(note the 'constructive' part of that) and suggestions for stuff that you think would be funny in the 5th chapter. Thanks muchly!!

-StrangePhenomenon


	6. Not really the end!

Disclaimer: I don't own Warriors. Although I hope to some day...

WARNING: SPOILERS FOR SUNRISE.

Lionblaze: I'm so freaking bored…

Leafpool: -cuffs him around the head- That is my freaking word!

Lionblaze: Whatever. The point is, we've been stuck in this forest for months, there's nothing to do, and we can't get out of here.

Jayfeather. How 'bout we give Squirrelflight back her flamethrower?

All others: _NO!_

Squirrelflight: -rolls eyes- You guys are sooo overdramatic.

Sandstorm: -pointedly looks at a charred patch of ground-

Squirrelflight: That was just a misunderstanding! I didn't know 'D' meant 'disintegrate'!

Leafpool: Squirrelflight, I _gave_ you the instruction manual!

Squirrelflight: So not the point.

Leafpool: Then what is the point?

Squirrelflight: Like I'm gonna tell _you_ bitch!

Leafpool: I'm your freaking sister!

Jayfeather: Shut up, you two!

Squirrelflight: Thank you, son.

Jayfeather: I'm not your son.

Squirrelflight: Whatever. Anyway, what I was trying to say, before my sister and my son both rudely interrupted me-

Jayfeather: I'm NOT your son!

Squirrelflight: Do I look like I care? Anyway-

Jayfeather: Who asked you?

Squirrelflight: As I was _trying_ to say…

Leafpool: Just say it already!

Squirrelflight: THIS IS THE MOST BORING PLACE IN THE WHOLE #!*ING WORLD!

Jayfeather: MAI STICK! –hugs stick-

All others: O.o

Crowfeather: -under his breath- Um, duh, Squirrelflight.

Squirrelflight: -dangerously- What was that?

Crowfeather: Nothing!

Squirrelflight: Whatever. And Jayfeather, you are one weird cat.

Jayfeather: GET AWAY FROM STICKY! MINEMINEMINE!

All: O_O

Leafpool: -goes nuts- OH, SHUT THE FREAK UP, ALL OF YOU! –calms down slightly- For once in her life, Squirrelflight is right.

Brambleclaw: NOOOO! It's not possible!

Squirrelflight: Oh, you're gonna pay for that, Brambleclaw.

Brambleclaw: Meep.

Leafpool: STOP FREAKING INTERRUPTING ME!

Brambleclaw and Squirrelflight: SORREE.

Leafpool: Even _this_ is boring! We have had this argument so freaking many times! I would seriously freaking _kill_ for some excitement!

Feathertail: Good idea! –grabs Firestar- Okay, take your best shot!

Leafpool: NOT what I meant. Although…-eyes Firestar speculatively-

Jayfeather: Leafpool, don't kill Firestar. We should torture him…that way we have more to do.

Hollyleaf: You guys are so creepy: -looks nervous- Isn't that against the warrior code?

Jayfeather: Are you seriously calling _me_ creepy?

Hollyleaf: Uh…yes?

Jayfeather: Hollyleaf, you killed Ashfur, told a whole bunch of deep, dark secrets at a Gathering, and then freaked out, ran into the tunnels and possibly died. So don't even freaking start with me.

-MYSTERY CAT appears-

Mystery Cat: Okay, this is even boring _me_ now.

Blackstar: AVAST!

Mystery Cat: …

Feathertail: Who the freak are you?

Mystery Cat: The author, of course.

All: Huh?

Author: -rolls eyes- The author of this fanfiction.

All: Whaaat?

Author: -sighs- This may take a while.

-several hours, explanations, and temper tantrums later-

Jayfeather: So you're telling me that we're _not real_?

Author: -cheerfully- Yup!

Jayfeather: Weird.

Feathertail: That is sooo not cool. Some _author_ made me die?

Author: Um, yeah, but that wasn't me.

Feathertail: Hmph.

Author: Of course, I still have author powers. –looks around- Speaking of…

-everyone is teleported to a huge white room-

Firestar: Woooo…coolios.

Leafpool: Shut up, Firestar.

Firestar: Fine. Be that way.

Lionblaze: So, um, author person…

Author: Ugh. Don't call me that.

Blackstar: Well, what should we call you?

Author: I don't care. Whatever. Just not 'author person'.

Lionblaze: How 'bout 'Jeff'?

Author: I _am _a girl. A female name wouldn't hurt.

Lionblaze: But I like the name Jeff…

Author: I said no. Deal with it.

Lionblaze: -sniffs- You're so mean…

Author: Hopeless…

Feathertail: How about EVA? Short for Evil Vicious Author? It's descriptive, and it's female!

Author: Hmm…a fairly accurate assessment…I'll take it.

Lionblaze: -mutters- Well, you're definitely a bitch….

EVA: What was that?

Lionblaze: Nothing.

EVA: Riiiight. I believe that.

Lionblaze: Meanie…

EVA: Don't mess with me, Lionblaze. Here, I have all the power. –glares-

Lionblaze: I can't be hurt in battle. So ha.

EVA: I wasn't thinking of battle. More like poison.

Lionblaze: Meep.

EVA: That's right, be afraid.

Crowfeather: I think I prefer boring…

A/N: Wellllcome back, all, to Chaos by the Lake I have finally gotten up of my lazy ass and written a new chapter! Amazing, right?

Alright, let's be serious. It has been over two months since I last updated this fanfiction, and I am sorry about that. I had some insane writers block. But I'm back now! Yay!

_The Prince and the Wizard _should be updated soon. I'm working on a new chapter right now.

**Chat et Chocolat**, thanks for the review, it made me laugh. I may use some of your suggestions soon…and you might have noticed that I put in some Jay/Stick.

**No**, I'm sorry if you don't like this fic. If you have any suggestions, feel free to tell me!

Cheerio, all.

P.S. Please REVIEW! Constructive criticism is always appreciated!


	7. In which EVA is sadistic

**A/N**: So, remember this fanfiction? Yeah, I haven't updated in a long long long time. Sorry 'bout that. But I hath returned! So rejoice, all! (Not really.)

Disclaimer: Yeah, yeah, don't wanna get sued. Do I look like any of the Erins to you?

EVA: So what shall we do on this beautiful morning?

Crowfeather: It's not morning…

EVA: Do I look like I care?

Crowfeather: Did I ask you?

EVA: Crowfeather, I may like you as a character, but that does not mean I will hesitate for even a second to hurt you.

Crowfeather: You don't scare me…

EVA: -sighs- Are you sure you want to defy me, Crowfeather? I don't think you know what you're getting into.

Crowfeather: Do your poor worst! I'm not afraid!

EVA: As you seem to have turned into a cliché hero, I will employ a classic villain technique – hurting those you love.

Crowfeather: Now just wait a –

EVA: -gestures with her tail and Nightcloud disappears-

Crowfeather: Oh well. She's my least favorite anyway.

Leafpool: I hate to interrupt, but what the freak did you just do with Nightcloud?

EVA: Sent her back home.

Leafpool: What? That's not a punishment, that's a freaking gift!

Crowfeather: Leafpool, don't –

Leafpool: Anything would be better than being here with a freaking _lunatic_ of an author!

EVA: Oh no you did – n't!

Crowfeather: Uh-oh…

EVA: Don't make me snap my fingers in a zee-for-may-shun! Ex-clah-may-shun!

Feathertail: The hell?

EVA: Talk to the hand, talk to the wrist, day-um girl, you just got dissed!

Feathertail: Well that was…old-school.

EVA: Shut up, poofy-tail.

Feathertail: -stomps off in a huff-

Leafpool: -ignoring Feathertail- That's it? You're finished?

EVA: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…_hell no_. You're going to pay for your smart remarks, young Leafpool.

Leafpool: You are so freaking weird.

EVA: I am, thanks. But back to the matter at hand! Leafpool, you'll get off with only a warning. This time. But only because you're my favorite character.

Leafpool: Yay?

EVA: Don't start with me (again). Next time I may not be so lenient.

Leafpool: -sighs-

EVA: Now you just pretend I'm not here while I go and play Super Smash Brothers!

Leafpool: How?

EVA: Well, it's this game where –

Leafpool: No, I mean how are you going to play it? No opposable thumbs, remember.

EVA: True. -transforms into a Twoleg-

All others: -shriek in terror-

EVA: You guys are such wimps. And you're all getting on my nerves. So… -transforms them all into Twolegs-

(**A/N**: If you want to visualize them as Twolegs, Fur color = Hair color and general color of clothes (as in, brown fur = brown hair and brown related clothes). Eye color stays the same, duh.)

Jayfeather: What the crap?

Lionblaze: This majorly sucks.

Hollyleaf: What – But – THIS FREAKING MUST BE AGAINST THE WARRIOR CODE!

Leafpool: STOP USING MY FREAKING WORD! IT'S FREAKING MINE!

Hollyleaf: I think we have bigger problems, Leafpool.

Leafpool: -sulks-

EVA: Well, have fun now! -gestures with one hand and Super Smash Brothers appears-

Firestar: I feel different somehow…

Leopardstar (who is somehow there): You are such a moron sometimes, Firestar.

Blackstar: More like 24/7…

Jayfeather: Ha.

Firestar: I resent that.

Leopardstar: Hey, he may be a moron, but he's great in bed!

Brambleclaw: Don't you mean 'great in nest'?

Sandstorm: Lol.

Leafpool and Squirrelflight: Ewwwww! I soo don't want to hear that about my father…

Jayfeather, Lionblaze and Hollyleaf: Ewwwww! I soo don't want to hear that about my grandfather…

EVA: -giggles in the background-

Lionblaze: That is somewhat unnerving.

Jayfeather: Oi, pipe down back there, EVA.

EVA: '_Oi'_? What are you, British?

Jayfeather: -in a British accent- Rather. I say. Top-notch, old lad.

Hollyleaf: Stop that right now.

Lionblaze: I agree with the crazy one.

All others: -blank stare-

Leafpool: I think you need to be a bit more specific.

Lionblaze: I meant Hollyleaf.

Jayfeather: -still with the accent- Jolly good show, old chum! Bloody nice!

Squirrelflight: -raises eyebrows-

EVA: -from across the room- I hate to say it, but I have to agree with your siblings. Drop the accent.

Jayfeather: No bloody way!

EVA: -sighs, then walks across the room and whacks Jayfeather with a banjo-

Hollyleaf: Huh?

Lionblaze: What just happened?

Feathertail: Who knows…

Leafpool: Where the freaking hell have you been all this time?

Feathertail: Wouldn't you like to know, bitch!

Crowfeather: Not this again…

Leafpool: Yeah, I would, you freaking imbecile!

Feathertail: What did you just call me, you idiot?

Leafpool: Um…the same thing you just called me.

Feathertail: Oh.

Leafpool: Huh.

Feathertail: So…

Leafpool: I still hate you.

Feathertail: That's what I thought.

Squirrelflight: -rolls eyes- You guys are such morons.

All others: Agreed.

EVA: Well, wasn't this fun. Tune in next time for another episode of the Brady Bunch!

Jayfeather: Who are you talking to?

EVA: -innocently- Huh?

Jayfeather: You were talking to someone.

EVA: I don't know what you're talking about, Jayfeather.

Jayfeather: Sure you don't.

EVA: Really, I don't. Maybe you're hallucinating or something?

Jayfeather: Very funny. You're not fooling me, EVA.

EVA: Whatever are you talking about? My name is…uh…Sarah!

Jayfeather: Whatever. Sarah.

EVA: Did you just call me Sarah? My name's EVA, you know.

Jayfeather: Uhm…

EVA: Are you sure you're feeling all right?

Jayfeather: I'm FINE, EVA.

EVA: It's Sarah.

Jayfeather: I mean Sarah.

EVA: My name is EVA! Stop calling me Sarah!

Jayfeather: -nervous breakdown-

EVA: -laughs-

All others: -back away-

EVA: -still laughing- See ya next time!

Crowfeather: Who are you – never mind.

EVA: You're learning…

**A/N**: And that's the end of that. Remember to tell me anything you want to happen next in your REVIEWWWWW!


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